Caroline Facey
Janel Spencer
Writing 101S
31 October 2019
Transformed by his Love
A little over eight years ago, I was in a deep, dark hole. I was trying to leave a seven year relationship that was failing more and more each day. I felt trapped and I felt that there was no way out. I felt like I had jumped into a black hole and I just kept falling. There was no way out. I was depressed and tried to sleep my life away. I started to have suicidal thoughts.The only person that I talked to was Georgina, my co-worker. I really liked her. She was short, petite, had beautiful, long dark brown hair and brown eyes. She was always wearing a black shirt or blouse, and black jeans. The men where we worked at would always flirt with her and try to get her phone number. She always had a smile on her face despite what was going on in her life. She knew how to bring joy to people’s lives. We laughed a lot. She always said the right words to make me feel better. Georgina cared for her sick mom and dad. She was going through a divorce. Her daughter was moving out of state. Her son tried to attempt suicide a couple of times. Georgina had a lot happening in her life as well, so I didn’t always feel comfortable sharing everything that was happening at home in my life with her.
My partner, Tomi, was very jealous of Georgina. I wasn’t always allowed to talk with Georgina, and we would always argue over her. Tomi was about fifteen years older than me. She was a plus size woman, She was about 5’3. She had short dark brown hair and brown eyes. She was Native American. She would always wear a t-shirt and shorts or sweatpants. Tomi smoked quite frequently. Tomi loved animals. She was a big advocate for animals. Due to the hard life Tomi had, she was always angry and seemed to lash out at me frequently. She had post-traumatic stress disorder, epilepsy, and multiple sclerosis. I tried to understand and supported her as much as I could, but it became too much for me. This drove me into a deeper depression. My family was out of state. The relationship between Tomi and I had stopped all contact between my family and I. I felt that I had no one to talk to and I didn’t know anyone where we were living in Tucson, Arizona.
That same year, things started to change. I was working as a Rehabilitation Supervisor, working with developmentally disabled adults. In the warehouse style building with yellow walls and concrete floors, my boss had assigned me to train a new co-worker who had just transferred from a different department. I didn’t think anything of it and just did what I was told to do. My co-worker’s name was Anaida. She is half African-American and half Puerto Rican. She is about 5’5, has brown hair and brown eyes. She always dressed professionally with a nice blouse and slacks. She carried herself so elegantly. As time went by, I started to connect with Anaida and we started to get to know each other. One day, she invited me to a women’s group meeting. I hesitated, because I didn’t know how I was going to tell Tomi. I knew she would be upset and would not let me go, so I had to make up something to tell her. But I went to that women’s group meeting.
It was dark outside when I was getting out of the car. I walked across the parking lot and into the white building. When I walked into the building, I noticed the white walls and the beautiful, rainbow see-through curtains on each side of the building. There was an aisle between two sections of chairs that sat in rows. There was a small group of women in the first two rows of chairs dancing and singing. There was a young lady playing the drums. There were a few women playing tambourines. The women were happy. It turns out that it was a women’s bible study. I found out that Anaida was the leader of the bible study and the pastor at the church. I wasn’t sure what to think, so I sat down in the front row in the corner and just observed everything that was happening quietly. After the women were done dancing and singing, they introduced themselves to me. They were so warm and welcoming. They each hugged me and said a positive encouraging word to me. One of the words that was said to me was, “Everything is going to be okay.” I broke down in tears. I felt a love I had been longing for so long and I felt so safe. At that moment, it was the beginning of the transformation that God was doing with me.
Over the next couple of months, I continued to attend the women’s bible study and started to attend Sunday services at church. I started to find hope and my faith started to grow. On my birthday, May 4th, I decided to give my life over to Jesus Christ and accept salvation. Around that time, I was also dealing with many draining arguments and fights at home with Tomi. She knew that I would be leaving her very soon and tried to get me to stay. She would get a knife out and put it towards her neck and threaten me saying she would kill herself if I left her. I knew I had to make a decision very soon. Do I stay with Tomi or leave, not knowing where I was going to go? I made the decision that I was going to leave Tomi. Anaida advised me to set a date for when I was going to leave and move out. I set that date, but things were getting worse at home. Anaida knew she had to pull me out of this relationship as soon as possible. So we planned for me to leave sooner.
It was about 2 a.m. on a Saturday morning. I started to pack my bags and set my stuff out in the parking lot. At about 4 a.m., I called Anaida and told her to come and get me. While I was waiting for her, Tomi woke up. I feared so much what she would do to me. Tomi tried one last time to get me to stay. There was a boldness in me that I never had that arose in me. I spoke up to Tomi boldly and said, “I am leaving and there is nothing that you can do to stop me!” Afterwards, Anaida arrived and brought some other people with her to help me gather my stuff. I was so scared and wanted to get out of there asap. I got into the white minivan and left the life I had been living for seven years. After I left Tomi, I stayed with a church member and her family for a couple of weeks. After that, I was able to find an apartment. The church members were able to come together and help me with furniture and other household items. I was so thankful and I was finally free.
Things started to change for me at my job as well. My boss and the people that I worked with noticed the change that was happening with me. Some people found out that I had accepted salvation. Some people made judgments against me and didn’t like that I was changing. My hair was growing out, I was transitioning out of men’s clothes and into women’s blouses and slacks. I even got my nails done for the first time. Georgina, who I thought cared about me at work, turned against me. I had to deal with a lot of name calling and bullying at the workplace. I was even accused of having a relationship with a client of mine that I supervised. I had only invited the client to church and ended up being fired for it.
Over the next eight years, I built my relationship with God and became heavily involved with church. I was no longer fearful, shy, and quiet. God reunited me with my high school sweetheart. God delivered my high school sweetheart from drugs, alcoholism, and homelessness. We ended up getting married in 2014 and now we have a 4-year-old son and a 3-year-old son. My husband is a hard working man of God and just adores me and treats me well. With God, all things are possible. I thank God for his transformation he did with me, because I know that there is a very good possibility that I would not be alive today. I also thank God for Anaida and my church family for introducing me to what real love is. May this story bring some hope to someone who is going through a hard time.
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